Here I Am

 Here I am. Messed up, hurting, struggling, questioning wanting to love God person saying the most important words I have ever prayed. They are also the most frightful, ugly, hurtful words I have ever spoken. You see, I am a Christ follower who is just now realizing who Christ is, who He really is. I have known about God for over 20 years. I have tricked  other people into thinking I was close to God. In reality I was not reading my Bible, praying or really living like I knew Christ.

I bet you are wondering why I would put this out there. Well, I am wondering the same thing. LOL I am telling you my story because I know in my heart that there is someone out there who is walking that same path or just coming to know who Christ really is in their life. I am talking about living with the loving, kind, all powerful, wise Christ. Not the cruel, heartless,  judging God we hear about so often. I am telling this for them and those wondering how to truly worship God the way their heart craves to do.

I have come to understand who I am in Christ and who Christ is in me. He makes me powerful, wise, loving, kind, joyful and welcoming. He is the one who flows out of me. Not me forcing God to come into me and then flow out. Rev 3:20 NKJV says, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me." That right there is God promising that when He knocks on our heart's door and we answer knowing it is Him, He will come into us and be with us. When we allow God to come into us, He begins the change in our hearts. For some it is a quick change and for others it is a slower change, But the important thing is that God is working in each and everyone of us. NOT us working to get Him into us or out of us.

You see realizing that one little difference is a game changer.  It takes so much pressure off of us by just allowing God to move and flow from us. The thing we have to remember is how we get to a point of trusting God with our life, heart and soul. I have had a longer journey than I should have because I have a hard head. But then again it was perfect timing. I say that because it is perfect. It is for such a time as this that I was hard headed, untrusting and scared of God to share how He has invaded my spirit, mind and heart to such a level that no word will ever be able to fully describe. 

He has invaded my soul to suh a degree that I left a high paying job for family, I am allowing God to love on my kiddos and chase them, I am not fearful of tomorrow or the now for that matter, I am more confident in who I am as a child of God.

In the next few post I will share more about how I am getting to the point of fully saying Here I am with a free heart and mind. I just know at times it is scary, lonely, thrilling and comforting. 

~Reasa